Hello Money Talkers!
This week’s topic is knowing your worth. I know what most of ya’ll are thinking… “I know my worth.” But even though you may say you do, do you truly know how extraordinary you are and what you are capable of achieving? You may say you know your worth, but do you make it clear to the people around you and make sure that they treat you accordingly? Saying or thinking something and actually believing it and implementing it are two totally different things.
First things first, no matter who you are… you are worthy! It doesn’t matter what you have been through in life. It does not matter how many times you have fallen down, been undervalued, walked all over, used, beaten, or broken. You are worth the same now as you were before all of those things happened. You did not lose value, you gained wisdom! Remember that!
So let’s look into some of the ways that we forget our worth. I will break this up into two main categories: professional life and personal life.
The first way that we forget our worth is in our professional life. It happens all the time… we either settle for jobs that we are too good for or we stay at jobs that we are too good for.
So what do I mean when I say we “settle for jobs that we are too good for?” Well, we often times find ourselves either taking jobs that we are overqualified for or jobs that do not pay us what we are worth. We do this because we do not know our worth. Do not settle for a job that you are overqualified for. Keep looking for the right job for you. Do not settle for a job that pays you less than you deserve. Demand the pay you deserve or keep on looking. Often times, the fear of not finding something better leads us to settle in our professional lives, but you should never accept anything less than you are worth. If you work hard, you are qualified, and you know that you are good at your job than any company would be grateful to have you on their team. Remember that you are an asset, so do not treat yourself as anything less than that and do not allow others to treat you as anything less than that either.
The second way we lose a sense of our self worth in the workplace is that we continue to work jobs that we are too good for. Maybe you didn’t settle when you first took your job. When you were hired you were qualified and they paid you accordingly. But now that you have been there for years they have passed you up for promotion after promotion and have not increased your pay in accordance with your experience and loyalty. And you stick around because it’s easy. I know… It can be hella scary to leave a job that you have invested your time and energy into. However, how can you grow as a person if you are stifling your own success? If you know that you deserve that promotion, demand it, or you walk. If you know that It’s been time for you to have been given a raise, then ask for it! People only treat you the way that you allow them to. If you allow your job to keep you from growing or to underpay you then you are telling them that you are OK with that. If you know your worth and demand to be treated like you are worthy then you will be surprised how people change how they treat you once you stand up for yourself.
The other way that we forget our worth is in our personal lives. Losing our sense of self-worth in our personal lives comes in one of four ways.
The first way we forget our self-worth in our personal lives is with family.
Let me start with a simple fact… blood doesn’t mean sh*t!
Just because someone is your family does not mean that they can treat you any kind of way and get away with it. Just because someone is blood-related does not mean that they are guaranteed a permanent position in your life. if someone does not know your value and treats you less than your worth… then that’s a problem that needs to be addressed; regardless of who that person is.
For example, you have a cousin named Tati. You guys grew up together. But every time you are around Tati there is some kind of drama occurring, and she drags you into it. This happens so much that you are over it. Now, with this situation you can handle it one of two ways:
Put your foot down and talk to her. If she knows your worth she will correct herself. She will begin treating you how you deserve to be treated and keep you out of the mayhem if she wants to keep you in her life.
Cut her off. If she doesn’t recognize your value then she will take your talk with a grain of salt. She will not change any of her behaviors or her actions that affect you. Basically, she does not give a d*mn about how you feel. Her lack of concern for your feelings should tell you that she does not know your worth and she has got to go. It’s time to cut her off! Keep toxic people out of your life.
Now I know that the last example is an easy one… sometimes we are not too close to cousins. But what if the mistreatment hits closer to home? What if your mother is the one who doesn’t know your worth and is treating you less than. Well, the answer is the same. If your mother treats you like shit or takes advantage of you she needs to go too. Even your mother should not have a permanent spot in your life if she does not know your worth.
Someone who does not know your worth and doesn’t treat you how you should be treated is not worth your time or energy.
Remember, If you’re not going to take care of you no one else will.
The second way we forget our self worth in our personal lives is with friends. We let “friends” in and out of our lives, and sometimes they don’t deserve to be there. Sometimes these people make us feel less than. Any person who makes you feel inadequate is not your friend, and they are not worth your time or your energy.
They don’t know either A.) What a real friendship is, or B.) Your worth. And we allow these toxic “friendships” to continue because of the same reasons.
I’m going to hit ya’ll with some hard truth right now… people only treat you how you allow them to treat you. So basically, if you allow bad treatment they will continue to treat you badly. If you do not allow bad treatment they will desist and move on to the next sucker.
An example of a friend who’s got to go is Cristal. Cristal is a moocher. She only talks to you when she needs something. This person is not a friend.
Another example is Diana the diva. This person always has to have things their way, which most of the time you are OK with, but the one time you have your own opinion, it’s a problem. This person is not a friend.
This behavior is not ok, and you deserve better. These people are not worth your time or energy. Talk to them, and then they can either shape up or ship out!.
Remember, if you’re not going to stand up for yourself, no one else will either.
The third way we forget our self worth in our personal lives, and the most common way, is with our partners. The cold hard truth is that sometimes (and for some people a lot of times) we get into relationships with people who do not know our worth. PERIOD!
Some partners treat us like shit, cheat, and use us monetarily, emotionally, and physically. Someone who loves you and knows your worth would NEVER do any of these things to you. This person does not love you! And they sho don’t know your worth.
An example of this is a wonder woman. This woman works full time, she might have a second job or go to school full time. Plus, she takes care of her household by cooking, cleaning, and maybe raising children. Then this woman comes home to a man who can’t keep a job, pays no bills, and doesn’t do sh*t around the house. This person is not someone who loves you. This person is complacent and they are using you.
A partnership is supposed to be a team! You should contribute equally to the relationship.
Lastly, the fourth way we forget our self-worth is letting all of these outside forces fog our own idea of our self-worth.
When people who you let into your life, that you assume to have your best interests in mind, have beaten you down to a point where you think that you do deserve to be treated like shit, THAT’S A F*CKING PROBLEM! But this is a reality for a lot of people.
When we believe how others define us or when we define ourselves narrowly, we lose parts of ourselves or feel that we can't give voice to parts that don't fit with that definition. How often have you said, or heard others say that you "can't do something"? This is, of course, ridiculous, because anyone can do anything they set their mind to and work hard for. But if we define ourselves, or let others define us, as someone who “can’t”, we will live our whole lives believing that we can’t, rather than actually trying. We limit ourselves when we believe we are only as complex as one definition.
Defining others can even be abusive, at times, if a partner or family member continually insists that someone is flawed in some way: "lazy", "stupid", "slut", "loser". And it can even be a problem when the definition is supposedly positive: "You're my muse", "You're the only thing that keeps me alive," "You're such a helpful and good daughter." Then, when we don't comply with that fantasy image, it can be an excuse to verbally, emotionally, or even physically assault us.
The main point I want to make is that when you give too much credence to other people's opinions you're basically telling your true self to f*ck-off. You end up becoming a slave to what other people want. Because when other people's opinions are more important than your own you live life on their terms; not yours.
Now that you know the ways we forget our self worth, how can we improve our idea of our self-worth?
1. Be nice to yourself. The way you treat yourself is very powerful. Make an effort to be kind to yourself and, if you do slip up, try to challenge any negative thoughts you may have. It’s easy to get hung up on all the things that are out of your control, but it won’t achieve much. Instead, try to focus your energy on identifying the things that are within your control and seeing what you can do about them. You have to make mistakes in order to learn and grow. You could be your worst enemy or your strongest proponent.
2. Do you boo boo. Comparing yourself to other people is a great way to make yourself feel like sh*t. Focus on your own goals and achievements. Compare your past self to your present self and make sure that you are on track to become the future self that you want to be. Always strive to be the best version of yourself.
3. Surround yourself with a supportive squad. Find people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid those who trigger your negative thinking. You are who you hang out with. A supportive squad will encourage you and rub their good vibes off on you. When you have a positive outlook on yourself you are more likely to see your full potential and get on the path to success.
There are many ways that we can lose focus of how much we are worth. We forget what we are worth in our professional lives or in our personal lives through family, friends, partners, or we even forget how much we are worth ourselves. But people only treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you do not stand up for you then no one else will. So be nice to yourself, do you, and surround yourself with a positive support system.